Firstly, your mother was right. Buy strong shoes and a sensible coat. You're gonna need them for all the pavements you'll be walking over.

Secondly, wipe that smug smile off your face and admit: "I know nothing". And even if you do, by the time you've taken your portfolio around to twenty teams, any thoughts, preconceptions and convictions you had, will all be thrown out the window. It's a fact. Guaranteed. In the very near future, you're gonna be as confused as hell. But keep it simple. And roll with your instincts.

Also learn to Act. And I'm talking Robert De Niro/Meryl Streep sort of standard here. When your book gets shat on, be courteous. When some creative genius tells you that you haven't got a hope in hell of getting a placement, be courteous. And when you're blown out for that appointment again when you've specially travelled down from Manchester, be courteous.

A tip. Whoever you meet on the way up - you sure as hell will meet on the way down. So be nice. To everyone. Even if you hate the bastards. And no matter what - keep the faith in yourself and your book. Make sure it's pure, solid, not too highly finished. Work it. Work it. Work it. Forget the glitz and 'Mac attacks. Go for original products and services. Not Swiss Army Knife, Prozac, Condoms, Charities, Guinness - forget it! Don't even go there!

And look good yourselves. Apart from the strong shoes and sensible coat - remember the agency is buying how you would fit into their department as much as how good your ideas are. Go on. Be brave. Have a bath. Clean your teeth. Throw away some of those Oxfamclassics. You can do it.

And once through the door, don't be afraid to ask. And I mean ask for anything. Once you're through with advice, placements and other people to go and see, get onto layout pads, pens and anything else you can get your grubby little hands on. Face it. They're rich. You're poor. Pride doesn't even come into it.

And once on placement. Never leave. That's the plan anyway. Hassle, hassle, hassle for live briefs. If you're not getting any ask someone else. Be ruthless. Don't give a shit. Step on all the other placement teams around you - with a great big smile on your face - to be seen as the brightest and best.

Do you really want 2 years of doing the circuit? Get up off your arse and go and talk to the creatives. Go to the pub. Find out what's really happening in the department.

Because it's sure as hell guaranteed to be a different story to the one you've been told.